Relationship needs are the reasons a person desires to enter into or to remain in a relationship. Relationships grow stronger and stronger each time their needs are met. If these needs are left unmet, relationships become weak. Infidelity becomes a temptation when another person begins meeting one’s relationship needs better than does one’s spouse.
As you invest in your mate by making efforts to meet his or her relationship needs, your caring (loving, good will) feelings for your mate naturally increase, and your mate naturally gets attracted to you more than you desire. This increased desire helps motivate your mate to meet your relationship needs, and the feelings of caring and attraction become mutual. This is how romanance blooms in a marriage.
Relationship needs are innate emotional needs. When these needs are left unmet, loneliness, depression, frustration, hopelessness, anger and resentment can result. When they are met, feelings of comfort, safety, peace, pleasure, attraction and good will result, romance grows, and the marriage is strengthened. Feelings of mutual good will and attraction are vital to a functional and happy marriage. They motivate a man and woman to work together, and to forgive when necessary. Nothing creates these feelings better than the meeting of each other’s relationship needs.
Now lets go through the key ingredients for a happy married life one by one in detail
Respect is especially important in marriage because of the intimacy inherent in that relationship. It is in your best interest to show your mate at least as much respect as you would to a coworker, boss, client, celebrity or stranger. After all, your mate is (or should be) the most vital person in your life, and your full joy depends in part on his or her peace and satisfaction. A man needs his wife to be respectful of him in the way that she talks of him to others, including the children. In the same way, a woman needs her husband to speak to her as an equal, to involve her in important decisions in their life that affect her in any way, and to respect her right to have the final say in those decisions that primarily affect her. Decisions that substantially affect both partners should be made jointly, and will often require compromise on the part of both. Respect does not mean that your mate always gets his or her way, but it does mean that you consider his or her desires as if they were your own, and give them the same or greater consideration. Both husband and wife should graciously and cheerfully defer to the strongly held wishes of the other whenever possible. When one spouse insists on making decisions for both and generally having his or her own way, the other is likely to feel controlled or manipulated, and to become resentful or depressed.Respect is the basic protocol of all positive human relationships. It is part of the “Golden Rule” — treating others as you would be treated.
Appreciation is critical to the health of any relationship in which people are expected to give service without formal payment. Many business relationships can survive without it — friendships and marriages cannot. A lack of appreciation from you leaves your mate feeling taken for granted, or un-appreciated. Such a feeling quickly kills romance or in other words the love and romance dies here. A married couple sharing responsibilities of home and family must continuously express appreciation to each other in order for their romance to survive and grow. Your mate needs your unambiguous spoken or written expressions of appreciation on a daily basis. Occasionally accompanying those words with a token gift is also important.
A GOOD COMPANION
Good companions enjoy spending time together in conversation and recreational activities. As a general rule, spouses should be able to look forward to the next time they will be together, rather than dreading it. Time spent enjoyably together builds and strengthens the marital relationship. Conversely, the lack of companionship in a marriage can produce deep loneliness in both spouses…
Sensuous affection is the communication of loving feelings through the physical senses (sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch) rather than through the intellect. It may be used as a means to help meet your mate’s other relationship needs. For example, you might use tender touches and softly spoken words to help your mate feel cherished or appreciated. However, sensuous affection is an important need in its own right. It is a gift of pleasure that helps your mate feel good physically and emotionally. Each time it is appropriately given, it serves to strengthen emotional ties and increase mutual good will between you and your mate. It is a powerful glue that can bind two hearts together. It can also be an effective lubricant that diffuses tension and helps each partner to be patient with the little irritations that naturally occur when two very different individuals are living together. A married couple can strengthen and enliven their romance by sharing the pleasures of sensuous affection.
When a man and woman first fall in love, their romantic feelings for each other are often based on infatuation, which is an inordinate belief that the object of one’s desire can readily meet all of one’s relationship needs. Infatuation soon fades. It must then, if the feelings of romance are to continue, be replaced by the knowledge that your mate is indeed doing his or her best to meet your relationship needs. As its basis changes from infatuation to knowledge, romance remains pleasurable and exciting. It also becomes more calming and comforting without the obsessive component of infatuation, with its uncertainty and anxiety. For romance to continue in a marriage beyond the infatuation stage, each partner simply needs to get up to speed in meeting the relationship needs of the other.
TO FEEL CHERISHED
Every man and woman needs to be the best friend and highest earthly priority of his or her mate. To have this need met is to feel cherished. As your mate’s husband or wife, you are the only one who is in a position to fully meet this need. Your mate must be your first priority if your marriage is to be all that it can be. The needs of your mate must be more important to you than those of your friends, family, work, hobbies, or children.Cherishing your mate means holding them dear and being absolutely faithful to your marriage — not only physically, but also emotionally. Your mate needs to be the center of your world, and to be seen by you as the most desirable thing in the world. You cannot meet this need if your heart is beholden to someone or something else — whether it be a friend, family member or pet, drugs or alcohol, hobbies or sports, work, internet, fantasy etc etc. Free yourself of any addiction, and from any substitute for or diversion from real human love.
That’s why Shmuley Boteach says that “Our mind needs to be at the center of someone else’s universe. . . . All we want deep down is to be sun kings or queens like Louis XIV of France. . . . We need a human being who cherishes and desires us above all others in order to survive, live, [and] prosper. . . . Marriage is the ultimate setting for this commitment to our lover. In it we can always feel to be loved and never know loneliness. . . . Through the unique setup of marriage, bonding two people in a bulwark against the rest of the world, we are assured that we are irreplaceable. . . . This is the source of marriage’s sanctity, security, and holiness. . . . But, it is up to us to recognize this commitment. And act upon it. “
Every romance needs a home. Building that home involves bringing in a steady and sufficient income; making ends meet and saving for the future by using a budget; keeping the house clean, comfortable, and in good repair; maintaining the yard; shopping for necessities; preparing meals; etc. A husband and wife give each other domestic support as they work together to address these needs. They must share the workload so that both are able to get needed rest and relaxation.
The above key ingredients if met make a strong bond between a husband / wife which can not be broken even with an evil spell..Although it’s said Marriages are made in Heaven, its upto the Husband and wife who has to make their bond perfect. till their souls depart to heaven